The Bullying Epidemic

From:  Heartlife Soul-Care

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea’.” Matthew 18:1-6 Bullying has certainly become an epidemic in our schools today. Yet, because it is often something that parents, teachers, and even friends cannot detect, many people don’t understand how extreme bullying can get. Now more than ever, children and teens are waking up afraid to go to school. The American Justice Department says that this month 1 out of every 4 children will be abused by a peer. In a recent study, 77% of students said they had been bullied, and 14% of those who were bullied said they experienced severe reactions to the abuse. What exactly does bullying entail? Bullying is described as being picked on repeatedly, either by physical force or verbally. Two of the main reasons people are bullied are because of appearance and social status. For the most part, bullies pick on the kids they think “don’t fit in”; such as how they look, how they act (for example, kids who are shy and withdrawn), or their race or religion. “Being bullied is not just an unpleasant rite of passage through childhood,” says Duane Alexander, M.D., director of the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, “It’s a public health problem that merits attention. People who were bullied as children are more likely to suffer from depression and low self esteem well into adulthood, and the bullies themselves are more likely to engage in criminal behavior later in life.” Other long lasting effects of bullying include health problems, poor grades, and suicidal thoughts. Bullies and the Warning Signs… A common thread among bullies is that they like to dominate others and are generally focused on themselves. Often times they have poor social skills and poor social judgment, as well as no feelings of empathy toward other people. The purpose in bullying is to put other people down in order to make themselves feel better, or more powerful. Unfortunately, some bullies act the way they do because they’ve been hurt by a bully themselves, possibly by someone in their own family. Although there are two main types of bullying, physical and emotional, there are several ways that bullying can be manifested. In order to understand the warning signs, let’s look at the different types of bullying: 1.    Verbal bullying, which includes derogatory comments and/or calling someone bad names 2.    Bullying through social exclusion or isolation 3.    Physical bullying such as hitting, kicking, shoving, and spitting 4.    Bullying through lies and/or spreading rumors 5.     Having money or personal belongings taken or damaged 6.     Being threatened or being forced to do things against one’s will 7.     Racial bullying 8.     Sexual bullying 9.     Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet), using websites such as Facebook, MySpace, and Springboard. Boys vs. Girls Four ways That Boys and Girls Bully Differently: Boys are more likely than girls to display bullying behavior through physical intimidation. Girls bully verbally more than physically, and they leave other girls out of their circle, or gossip and spread rumors. When boys bully, they bully both girls and boys. Girls usually only bully other girls. Boys tend to bully openly, whereas girls disguise their bullying and act out in more passive aggressive ways. Because of this, girl-on-girl bullying is harder to spot. The majority of researchers think that boys bully more than girls, but more recent studies suggest that adults simply have a harder time recognizing when girls bully. Experts believe that boys are more likely to cyber-bully. Girls who are cyber-bullied are more likely to report the bullying to adults. Four Ways That Boys and Girls Bully The Same: Both genders can bully in the form of racist, sexist or homophobic remarks. Bullying by both boys and girls is harmful and can lead to depression, body image issues, and low self-esteem. Both male and female bullies will at times turn on their friends. Both genders start to bully around the same age, in their younger teens. Bullying for both girls and boys starts to fade away by the later teen years. In order to know if your child is being bullied, keep a close watch for a change in their behavior. Some of the milder behaviors that may indicate your child is being bullied are: social isolation/lack of friends with whom he or she spends time; being afraid of going to school, walking to and from school, or riding the school bus; not taking part in organized activities with peers (such as clubs); lack of interest in school work or suddenly performing poorly in school. Some of the more serious warning signs are: coming home with torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing, books, or other belongings; showing unexplained cuts, bruises, and scratches; appearing sad, tearful, or depressed when he or she comes home; appearing anxious and suffering from low self esteem; and experiencing a loss of appetite, or a refusal to eat. Perhaps the most apparent effect that bullying is having on our teens today is a significant change in their self worth. Kids, who were once homecoming queens, football stars, artists, and actors, are starting to believe that they are hated by everyone and are worthless in society’s eyes. No amount of external processing or encouragement is penetrating the minds of these teens. They have been utterly convinced that they are what their bullies say they are. Prevention/Intervention As parents, it is very troublesome for a child to come home exhibiting any of the behaviors or warning signs listed above. For most parents, the school environment has always been completely trusted and held in high regard. So, what happens when the teachers and administration that you trust, don’t detect that your child is being bullied? First, let’s address what to do if you suspect that your child is being bullied. The first step is to talk to your child. It sounds cliché, but simply asking your child about what is going on, and letting them know that you are concerned about them, is an empowering step. It promotes autonomy and provides a voice for them.  It shows them that you care and that you are an advocate for them. Without judgment, condemnation, or blaming, explore their experience of what is going on at school. Other questions to ask include, but are not limited to: “Who are the friends that you hang out with at school?”, “Are there any kids that you avoid or don’t like being around?”, and “Are there kids at school that leave you out on purpose, or who say hurtful things?” Secondly, it’s important to simply be aware of this epidemic occurring in schools and churches, and be prepared to do something about it. At the beginning of the school year, or at the beginning of a new semester, reach out to your child’s teachers and especially their guidance counselors. Both teachers and guidance counselors will be in the best position to understand how your child relates to their peers at school. Also, share your concerns about your child’s behavior and alert their teachers as soon as you see warning signs. Engaging in prevention on the front end will often times do away with any intervention in the future. The Future of Bullying Prevention will be the key for dealing with the issue of bullying. Parents, schools, teachers, counselors, youth pastors, ministers, and all adults need to be aware of this increasingly prevalent problem. Make no mistake, bullying is real and it is affecting 1 in 4 teens as you read this article. More people are speaking out about bullying and publishing articles and books on the subject. Hayley DiMarco recently published a book titled Mean Girls, and in it she paints a real picture about the nature of cliques and how hurtful girls are being towards other girls. Hayley writes about her own experience being bullied. She says, “When I was a teenager, my spirit was imprisoned by fear, maybe like yours is right now. I had no sense of the greatness of God or the power of his hand in my life. I couldn’t see life from his point of view, only from my weak little place on the planet. I didn’t understand a bigger picture because I had not yet discovered Christ and his teachings, his Spirit, and his love. I didn’t come to understand that until after college. If I had known then what I know now, maybe those girls would have ended up my friends or at least left me alone a little bit. No one ever told me how to handle them, what to say to them, or how to be around them. Instead I was just plain scared of them. I lived a lot of my life in fear, and it didn’t have to be that way. How sad that no one was there to tell me about the amazing truth of godliness with love. Now that I have come through years of fighting with the Mean Girl and of not knowing how to avoid her or get rid of her, I have a new understanding of how I am supposed to react to her, even if I can’t get rid of her”. May we all seek to be on the front end of bullying and proactively teach our children to see themselves in the way that their Heavenly Father does. God’s word tells us, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear…Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:29,32). We must take an active stand against harm perpetrated against our children.  In our key text, Matthew 18:1-6, the Amplified Bible describes children as trusting, lowly, loving, and forgiving.  When a child is harmed, the view of themselves, others, and God is diminished.  We have a great responsibility to protect the hearts of our children-let’s exercise it.